Playing fate

When he was a little boy he always wanted to change other peoples lives.
It was not about helping them or destroying them, it was just about seeing and feeling that he mattered in the world. Probably it was the wish to feel himself by being recognised by others and even imprinting his identity on theirs.
He imagined wonderful worlds in which he was valiant hero and evil villain aswell - facing incredible challenges and fighting in epic battles. He lived a whole life in these mirror-worlds, in which all the people he knew and encountered were present as they were present in his real life.
Seldom he found a link between these worlds and ours. Seldom he found a fellow which he was able to spark to discover the dream-realities with him. Only in games and plays one could see tremendous fires enlightening the dreamy eyes of this little boy.
Oh, what a joyful life he lived, forging his identity in a world not meant to be.

Years passed by and society started making demands.
And the more he was pushed into the harsh reality in which he was nothing more but a small boy within the hundreds at his school, in which he was nothing more but a single human within the billions on the world, the more he built up resistance against this world in which he was about to lose himself.
But the more he had to discover this new old world, the more he became aware of another side of his personality: Over the years he had developed the ability to drag others into the dream-worlds that slowly started merging with the real one.
He discovered the feeling of having power over others.
And he felt how much this bittersweet emotion was amplified by carrying it over from a hypothetical dream into reality.
He started experimenting with merging different realities and different dream-worlds and explored different methods to expose them to other humans.
He figured out that they all secretly wanted to live in their own dream-worlds, but that most of them lost the memory of these dreams and the ability to create and manifest them in reality. They all wanted to feel themselves. They all wanted to see and feel themselves being present in a common world. They all wanted to be. Every movement was an expression of this wish to be oneself. Every action originated from the will to carve ones identity into reality.
There was no reality, there was only the convergence of individual dream-worlds, clashing and mingling at their borders, creating a fragile common world.

After having lived so long in his worlds that were not meant to be he hungered for carving himself into reality, for carving himself deeply into the souls of others, making them part of himself, letting him become the hero, the center of everything.
He hungered for becoming the whole, the everlasting, the almighty. He hungered for becoming god - the ultimate self.
By understanding this underlying pattern, he unfolded the ability to alter the streams of reality to a certain extent and to dance in the complex webs of the interwoven dream-worlds.

Yet - something was wrong.
As he tried to play fate he missed the fact that he was not in his former dream-worlds anymore.
He saw the people around him as mere functions of himself, as manifested thoughts and images. He played fate without knowing what this really meant.

He failed.

He grew up.
He failed several times.

Years later he realized that playing fate is easy when the world is only yourself. But this is not how it works. This is not how you can change the world.